plot twist: she will not be loved
4rtf4rt: the next olympics will be held in my backyard, free milkshakes for the men’s swim team
Mom: Can I see your tumblr?
Me: WHAT TUMBLR?! *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito*
sapiens: I just need somebody to think about me and say ‘Damn, I don’t know what I’d do without her’ but nobody ever does.